shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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