I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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