That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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