i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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