Plan B is the new Plan A
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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