Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We need to feng shui this bitch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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