Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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