So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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