I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cannot find my penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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