He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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