the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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