I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize