he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize