i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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