We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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