There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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