Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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