yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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