So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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