she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize