i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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