wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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