god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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