I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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