we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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