He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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