if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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