I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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