He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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