she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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