PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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