:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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