No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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