you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize