omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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