i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would ride that face into the sunset
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize