My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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