She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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