Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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