nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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