Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize