i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize