"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
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Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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