I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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