a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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