I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we made out on top of his cat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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