Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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