his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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