I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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