i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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